Time-marks

Today is DNA's birthday - well, it's official date for discovery, actually. It's a funny day when I think of it - but due to a much more personal note, I find it to be funnier than most people might find (however science-y they are), because it reminds me of a DNA day two years ago which, weather I like it or not, changed me forever. 

/ / Beware: sentimental nonsense is contained in this post and may be unbearably uninteresting / /

Exactly 2 years ago I was with a friend of mine walking through one of Brazil's top universities for a symposium on biology; both of us simultaneously struggling with our personal ghosts and demons hovering over us due to recent events that had struck us separately. We both wanted to be away from large groups, and didn't really want to talk about anything in particular, which meant we were fine company for each other for having ice cream and coxinhas (a brazilian food best described as drops of heaven and happiness, according to him) and loathing the world and existence. 

That week I did what I usually do when upset or troubled: I drowned my sorrows in knowledge and books (that was when I read the entire Harry Potter series within not much time). Though I only had 2 weeks of holidays between one semester and another, I spent one of them watching talks, lectures, presentations about several topics in biology because, what soothes the soul like brains, right?.

That was where I heard my first Neuroscience lecture, it was given by a Brazilian neuroscientist, Suzana Herculano. Needless to say, I loved it. After the lecture, I mustered in me all the courage I didn't know I had to talk to her - not for a picture, like everyone, to really talk. I remember walking away from the conversation with a bursting feeling in my chest words can't really describe, having the biggest grin spread across my face as I walked away. I had asked her about wether it was a possibility for me to go into Neuroscience from Biomedical Engineering. She said yes, explained ways to do so briefly in a conversation that lasted no more than a few seconds, but it was enough. I couldn't suppress the largest smile I had given in weeks. I went back home, delighted and enlightened by a flicker of hope that things could get better. 

Now when I think of it, I had spent ages in the Hogwarts world to try to get away from the real world, I did that with all the talks - on obesity, addiction, evolutionary neuroscience - obsessing over knowledge, facts that could be grasped, understood...trying to just think of other things. 

This past week, ironically, I realise I just revisited the Hogwarts world watching some movies with friends - the rest of the time of the week, I spent studying all those same things from the talks to depth because, apparently Herculano was right and I could study neuroscience - and that hope was all that I needed to try to pursue something I discovered later to be a passion. Except that now, though one might say I am doing the same things, something is different, something changed. I'm doing these things to enjoy reality, to dive into it. watching movies to celebrate friendship - not forget the real world. Studying science to understand the world and it's functioning - not to shut it out or try to tame it. It seems the same, but everything is different. 

It was a week that changed me, though I only realise it now. They were dark days that brought me to where I am and led me to what I am becoming. My friend too, he is out there in the world living his dreams and we are sitting on opposite sides of the globe and wondering how our lives ended up as they are.

Those were days that all I needed was a spark to ignite something I didn't even know I had in me. I just needed a little hope in the middle of the mess I had gotten myself into. And that hope was enough for me to know that even if I had to go through all of it again to be able to get to where I am, I wouldn't think twice.